


Playing Hero

by Chromophilic_Daydream



Category: Persona 5
Genre: 2/2, 2/3, Confessions and Promises, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29154075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromophilic_Daydream/pseuds/Chromophilic_Daydream
Summary: All his life he had heard stories of heroism: brave people who strove to make the world a much better place. Through blood and sweat and pain they reformed the world for good. They got their just ends. Heroes achieved their freedom. The hero got their wishes.In the end, he didn't get his.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	Playing Hero

It really wasn't fair; none of this was.

All his life he had heard stories of heroism: brave people who strove to make the world a much better place. Through blood and sweat and pain they reformed the world for good. They got their just ends. Heroes achieved their freedom. The hero got their wishes.

In the end, he didn't get his.

He had tried...it wasn't through a lack of want that he fell short of goal. He wanted so very badly and still it seemed like it wasn't enough—like it was never going to be enough. Akechi's stare had cut through him, colder than the pierce of a needle against his skin. Those brown eyes, so filled with determination, and something else he couldn't quite place, held his gaze. His words tore him down, ripped through him—as unyielding as the very justice the detective had spoken so much about. A ruthless justice that hid the detective's true feelings behind retribution and revenge.

Everything paled in comparison to the detective's will. Akechi had made his decision...made all their decisions for them, and Ren knew better than to want anything else but the very same thing Akechi had wanted.

Freedom.

Had he not wanted the very thing that heroes were always promised—the very thing Ren also wanted?

Hadn't they both spent their whole lives wanting it? Hadn't they both fought to the very death to achieve it?

And yet, Ren's selfish desire to erase that death...to take away the very pain that defined them both was tempting—exhilarating to think about.

In a fair world, in a world where the hero really did get what he wanted, Maruki's reality would have been the natural outcome, right? Even still, Ren found himself standing in opposition to Akechi once more.

Despite it all, his tender moments of contemplation and desire, Ren knew deep down that the answer to the dilemma they both faced was obvious. Akechi was tethered to reality, a reality that Ren had the power to achieve. But at what cost? In the real world, Akechi was bound to his past, his sins, his lust for revenge. It twisted him, morphed him to a grotesquerie, a puppet dancing to the whims of society.

In this ideal world, he would be bound to Ren's hands, strung up to be the flawless doll—molded and sculpted to perfection. Ren could put him away, far away from the cruelties life could still throw at him. He would never harm nor be harmed. He would be with Ren forever. The thought sickened him as much as it delighted him. The weight of the thought clawed down his throat and into his stomach. Shame shredded the idea in an instant.

If that happened, he would be no better than that society he was trying to reform. He was no better than those corrupt adults he stole the hearts of.

But desperation made him cling to the possibility of 'what ifs'. It would be how he coped with the hardest decision he ever had to make in his life. He knew what he had to do: he just didn't know if he had the strength to be the one to cut Akechi from the strings that wound around him. He didn't know if he had the strength to free the detective from his misery at the expense of Ren's own happiness.

If this had been like the stories he had heard as a child, he would have been able to save Akechi from his fate no matter what.

He would have been a hero that never strayed from his own path, he would have laughed in the face of temptation. He found himself thinking of those stories when he listened to the pain Akechi tried to mask in his voice. He thought of those heroes when he realized the look in the detective's eyes that confused him earlier was fear. Fear that maybe, just maybe, Ren wouldn't be the person Akechi needed him to be. And he sorely wished that he wasn't that person at all. He wished so desperately to be selfish.

But this wasn't a perfect world. And it was never going to be one. If it was, Akechi wouldn't be throwing away his life like it was a piece of garbage. If it was a perfect world, Ren could have shown him just how much he cared about him.

"It isn't _trivial_ ," he managed to spit out. Akechi's life was never trivial. Not to Ren. Not then or ever before. The fear that Akechi's gaze held was instantly replaced with anger.

"It is!"

Why couldn't this be easier? Why couldn't he just reach out and take the detective's hand and save him? Mercy, pity, betrayal. None of the words being hurled at him with such venom stung him as badly as the despair that had rotted away at his heart had. How could he not see it? How could he be so blind that his wishes to return to reality were just as selfish as Ren's own wishes to keep him safe—to keep them all safe?

Why did he once again have to leave Akechi's life to fate? Why were their desires at odds with each other's once more?

"I want to hear you say it. What do you intend to do?"

He could barely keep his voice from cracking, straining for any semblance of confidence as he once again put the desires of someone else before his very own. Agreeing to defeat Maruki and sacrifice Akechi's life once again was villainous, and still he uttered his acceptance of Akechi's wishes. Perhaps he wasn't the hero in this story...perhaps that's why he would never be able to get what he truly wanted.

The relief on the detective's face broke his heart more than betraying his own feelings.

In a perfect world, he could have reached out to stop Akechi from leaving that night, to confess that it wasn't pity nor mercy that he wanted to show him. Maybe in Maruki's reality, he could have told Akechi the truth...that over their time spent together, the detective had made such a profound impact on him that he haunted his every waking moment. He could have told him the truth, that even through the worst of their bond, he couldn't help but be drawn to him. He could have confessed.

Yet, he choked on his words, his feet stuck to the floor of Leblanc and his strength left him when Akechi left the cafe. In a perfect world, he would have finally had the courage to be selfish.

In a perfect world, he could have had that freedom he craved so badly, even if he had to tie himself up like a marionette to get it.

The world of the Metaverse was more quiet than he expected. It was dark and vast, the only source of light floating pieces of the false reality that pulsated a soft blue glow like the flicker of a candle or lantern that flowed downstream from where they stood before disappearing out of sight. He could see him, standing there, his back turned to him.

The silence was deafening, like if he made a single sound the whole world would crack around them and dissolve.

"I don't know how you do it," Akechi said suddenly, his back still facing Ren. There was an easy tone to his voice like he had just said hello to an old friend. Quietly, ever so quietly, Ren began to close the distance between them... The world did not break apart. Relief began piecing together his shattered confidence.

"What do you mean?" he asked, finally standing side by side with the detective for, most definitely, the last time.

"You kept your promise...you made things right." Akechi's eyes caught his own and Ren felt his breath leave his chest.

"I—I said I would, didn't I?"

"And I had no reason to doubt you."

Ren nodded and swallowed, trying desperately to find the words before it was too late. He didn't know if he could live with regret. In that moment, he wished for bravery, hoping that even a little bit of Maruki's influence could take hold of him so he could finally voice what he had been wanting to since Akechi had disappeared behind those engine room shutters.

"Reality should be going back soon. I'm grateful."

"I don't know why; I couldn't save you...even now I couldn't save you."

"You made the right choice. That's as close to saving as anyone could ever get with someone like me. It isn't worth another thought. I'm thankful, nonetheless."

That's when Ren realized something...

His will was stronger than any stupid wish he could ever muster. Akechi didn’t deserve to fade into nothingness without knowing that he was cherished, despite it all.

"You're worth a lot more than you realize, Goro," he said bitterly, savoring the taste of the detective's name on his tongue. He watched Goro's expression change. An orb of blue light illuminated the surprise in his eyes. "Especially to me."

"You'll get over it and move on. You’re nothing if not resilient." There was an ease that settled in the detective's shoulders, an ease that Ren hadn't seen since they had relaxed in the bathhouse. That seemed like years ago. His fingers curled into a fist.

"Bullshit. You’re not going to be easy to just  _ forget _ . You're not the only one here not wanting to live with regret. You're not something I  _ regret _ , Goro. I—" He swallowed that bitter taste of cowardice once again.

This was as close to perfection as it would ever be. This was as close to a hero as Ren could ever pretend to be.

"I don't know how I feel about you. I can't figure it out. But I'll be damned if I let you slip away from me again so easily. So... So..." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard to will himself to be stronger than this. He would find the words this time. But he had no idea what to actually say.

For a moment it was so silent between them, Ren had thought Goro had already vanished with the fading ideal world that surrounded them. He let out a tentative huff, his teeth gritted.

"So?" Goro's voice startled him.

There was no more hesitation. There was nothing else he could possibly lose.

"I won’t let you just fade away," he vowed. “I'll find you no matter what. You  _ owe  _ me that much. We still have our duel! I—"

The laugh that met his ears was hardly enough to ease the grief that pulsated through him. But it rang through his mind, through his chest, and touched his very soul. It was a sweet laugh, one he had never heard from Goro before. It felt as fragile as the world that temporarily surrounded him but strong enough to make him weak in his knees.

He wanted more than this for them both. He cursed himself under his breath only to feel Goro’s presence closing in on him. His eyes shot open and found himself staring at the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. Fondness like he had never seen before shone brighter in those warm eyes than any star that had crept into the skies above them. He was once again rendered speechless. The heat from Goro's body began to radiate against his own as one of the detective's hands slipped down to grab Ren's. His stomach churned with a jolt of surprise. His fingers eased.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, his voice soft yet stern. Ren hadn't even realized he was. Hot streams of tears streaked his face. Before he could say anything, he felt a gloved hand wipe the tears away from his aching eyes. "You say such _stupid_ things, Ren. I’m not worth your tears."

"I’m going to miss you, you idiot,” he said, not flinching away from the gloved hand’s tender caressing. “I can’t just let this go, either. So I’m going to find you, no matter what,” he repeated. His fingers squeezed Goro's. "I promise you."

"Here I thought I was stubborn. Always have to be the hero, don’t you?” 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with that.” He was no hero. “I can’t give up on you. I want you to know how I feel. I want to be the selfish one for once!”

Goro’s eyes narrowed in thought before his gaze finally broke from Ren. He could feel the pressure of Goro's hands dissipating from his own. It was happening. He knew he only had a few moments. Ren reached his arms around the detective, holding him tightly. He buried his head in his neck, nestled against the plaid scarf he had grown so fond of.

His heart skipped when he felt that embrace returned.

Is this what being a hero felt like? All at once the shackles of shame that held him back broke away from him. All at once his heart truly felt free.

He pulled away, his watery gaze staring directly into Goro's soulful, tear-laden eyes.

"Goro, I—" His lips were gently captured, cutting his words off short. The knots that had formed in his stomach untied themselves only to jumble back up again as his heart tried desperately to escape his chest. It was a chaste thing, the kiss they shared. In an instant, in an  _ eternity _ , it was over. Ren stood alone in the dark, nothing but the stars above him, Goro's last words lingering in his ear.

"Find me and tell me how you feel then. In the real world."

A smile broke out over the thief's lips. He gingerly touched them. How very typical...that the person he loved the most, the person he valued the most, would issue such a challenge with his last breath.

It was a challenge he accepted.

He was going to fight to keep his promise. He was going to do everything in his power to carve his own path...just like Goro had. He was going to prove that his will was far greater than any wish. He was going to find peace.

That promise kept him going: to achieve his own end, to be his own hero.

Their bond had surpassed everything fate had thrown at them. And he'd vowed to keep defying fate for as long as he was alive. 

Perhaps he was done playing hero after all. Perhaps he wasn't some perfect champion of justice. Perhaps a perfect world was not something anyone could ever achieve. But who needed a perfect world anyway? All he needed was the possibility of hope. And in that possibility, in that promise they made to each other, he knew it wasn't the last time he'd ever see Akechi Goro again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to write a 2/2 fic. I haven't written anything in a long while. Life had definitely gotten to me. I know this year has been hard for everyone. I think what I needed more than anything right now was a story of selfishness turning into bravery, because man, do I feel selfish most every day during this time... and I think that's okay. I'm so glad this video game has had such a lasting influence on me. I think the fandom is stronger than it ever has been. And I appreciate you giving this author your time.
> 
> A big thank you to [Reiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selvanic) for betaing for me. You have since moved onto other fandoms and yet I still find your willingness to help me out in this and everything else in our friendship meaningful. I really do appreciate you. 
> 
> My wife, as always, remains the rock my anchor is tethered to during these stormy times. Thank you for pushing me to do this. Your faith in me is absolutely the reason I can still write.
> 
> You can find me on my usual socials.


End file.
